Thanks for continuing on this journey with our family as we
explore the
7 Habits of Holy Catholic Families.
As we move forward I've chosen to outline each of the habits with the
following format.
- The Habit – introduction and explanation.
- Memory Device – a way to commit the habit to
memory (use ours or make up your own).
- Faith Connection – Where are some places we can
find this habit in our Catholic Faith.
- Sacrament Connection – Which sacrament can we
associate with this habit and why.
- Virtue/Vice Connection – Which virtue pairs well
with this habit and which vice gives us the opposite “bad” habit.
- 5 Practical Steps – things you and your family
can do to exercise the habit.
“We first make our
habits, then our habits make us.” Charles C. Noble.
Before we begin this journey, something must be said about
the power of habit. We all have habits,
both good and bad. They are part of who
we are. Many of them we don’t recognize
and we would find it nearly impossible to pin-point when we picked-up an individual habit. Habits are great because they are like
putting certain parts of our life on “auto-pilot”. I can’t imagine reading the instructions on
the coffeemaker every morning in order to make coffee!! Habits are also dangerous because they are
like putting certain parts of our life on “auto-pilot”. I’ll spare you an example…
Our habits can make us or break us. However, the great thing about habits is that
we get to choose which ones we keep and which ones we discard. I know it’s easier said than done but it is
possible. The key, I think, is to not
simply stop a bad habit, but to replace it with a good one. Don’t leave a void, rather, create a new and
better habit.
When we began teaching the habits, our son Christopher
wanted to break his bad habit of leaning back on the kitchen chair. He may have also just been tired of me
yelling out “4 on the floor…er…I mean 6.” Anyway, the first day he kept tally marks of
how many times he caught himself leaning back.
This gave him a benchmark and a goal to beat. The next day, when he was tempted to lean
back he would instead say a little prayer for someone. He was proud as the days went on and the
prayers increased while the tally marks and leaning decreased. You too can use this same type of system to
replace bad habits with good ones. But
before you jump in, let’s look at the first habit because without it, all
attempts to change will fail, miserably.
Habit #1 – Be Proactive
|
Tally mark keeper for language day.
No foul language like can't,won't, don't, have to, etc. |
I hate to reveal this to everyone but my kids aren't
perfect. In fact they fight, each other,
a lot. They also blame each other for
everything. They complain about the
weather, time allowed for gaming, chores, and a whole host of other things, so
do I. Trust me, if anyone doubts the
existence of Original Sin, they need only spend a day at our house. This behavior is to be expected in a house
full of testosterone and it will continue until the Lord returns. However, the problem lies in the fact that
this can become a terrible habit, the habit of reaction and the negation of
self-control and self discipline.
Being a proactive person means gaining control of self. “
Between
stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose
our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” –
VictorFrankel.
What we are sharing with our boys is that there is always
that space between the stimulus and our response. What that stimulus may be really doesn't matter. What matters is that space and
our response. The stimulus could be a
foul day, kick in the face, bad grade, or a host of other unpleasant and
painful experiences. No matter what the
stimulus, we are in control of the space and response. Gaining control of that space, that pause,
takes practice and it must become a habit.
Memory Device – URN-Ctrl
We chose the URN-Ctrl as our
memory device because in our computer driven world, we knew that they would see
that button everyday on the keyboard.
The little dash between the URN and the Ctrl reminds us of that space
between stimulus and response. Like the
1st Habit, the Ctrl button is nearly invisible but very
powerful. If you don’t believe me, try
holding the Ctrl button and hitting various keys. You are in control.
We also helped the boys by
talking about “pushing pause”. This
means that when faced with some sort of stimulus, before we act, we have to
push pause. Having them touch their
forehead served as a great physical reminder to push pause because they were in
control.
Faith Connection – Ctrl
in Salvation History
Scripture is full of stories
about men and women who did or did not push pause. Eve did not push pause nor did Adam. Cain did not push pause. The sons of Jacob did not press pause when
they threw Joseph in the pit but Joseph was a man who was in control and used
that space between stimulus and response often.
Moses and David exercised the habit of being proactive…sometimes.
Ultimately we will see as we go
through these habits that Jesus exercised each of the
7 Habits perfectly. He was definitely in control and had
perfected the habit of pushing pause. As
you read through the daily scriptures see if you can locate this habit.
Sacrament Connection - Confirmation
We see Confirmation as a
sacrament that we can associate with being proactive. Belonging to the Roman Rite we recognize that
this sacrament is one of choice. We
would no sooner force our children to be Confirmed than we would to be married
or become a priest. We also recognize
that “..the sacrament of Confirmation is
necessary for the completion of baptismal grace.”(CCC 1285) Life has taught me that they and I need these
graces if we are going to be able to even think about being proactive and
pushing pause. There’s a great deal of
stimulus in the world that needs to be held at bay, reflected upon, and then
responded to if we are to cultivate a culture of life and faith. Confirmation gives us the graces we need to
do just that.
Virtue/Vice Connection
– Temperance/Gluttony
The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us that temperance “
ensures
the will’s mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what
is honorable.” Gluttony of food,
electronics, sex or anything else doesn't recognize either the pause or the Ctrl button.
5 Practical Steps
- Discuss
habits in general with your family.
- Encourage
each member to identify a habit he or she would like to change and a good habit
to take its place. It’s important to
help them identify, NOT point it out.
- Help
each other recognize the STIMULUS – SPACE – RESPONSE concept. Role play if it helps.
- Have
each member set a goal for breaking the identified habit and a way to measure
it. Simply keep track the first day for
a benchmark. Work with each member
toward their goal. Remember: Encouragement not correction, habit breaking and developing is most effective when it comes from within.
- Find
Habit #1 in the daily or Sunday Scripture readings and throughout the day.
Exercising this first habit and
the ones to follow shouldn't be a burden.
Rather, it should be a family journey towards becoming a Holy Catholic
Family. There is a temptation to use the
habits as a form of control over your children but that should never be the
goal. Young men and women in the
practice of exercising these habits are the sort that we want leading future
generations. The next habit will address
the real reason for including these habits in our family life. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, pray for us!
Next:
Habit 2 - Begin with the End in Mind
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God Bless, Shannon