Friday, June 19, 2015
Extreme Male Award
After some sampling of the Hahn Hoppy Red Ale there arose a contest of sorts with the gentlemen of the group working to one-up each other with our manliness. Of course the whole thing sprang from a discussion about the recent deer gun season.
Steve told us that after waiting in the driving rain all day Friday, he shot a 12-point buck. He had to drag it out of the woods by himself. This is no small potatoes and we were all impressed. However, Josh mentioned that one time he was out turkey hunting and was attacked by a wild boar that he eventually killed with a Bowie knife he was carrying. Many of us were doubtful about the truth of this story and wondered if the Hoppy wasn't just making him happy.
The discussion went on for quite some time when I decided to pull out the trump card. "I change my kid's diapers," I said in a firm voice while lighting my pipe.
Matt gave a laugh, "we've all changed diapers Jim, not a big deal tough guy."
I knew this would be the reply so I continued, "they're cloth diapers, not disposable." I blew out the match and placed in the ash tray.
Josh slowly lowered his bottle from his mouth and said, almost shuttering, "you don't mean what I think you mean, right? I mean...you...don't actually..." He was at a loss for words.
"Yes, that's right fellas," I replied as I took a slow steady puff. "I change cloth diapers. Which does mean...I..." A smoke ring floated in front of my face.
"Don't say it Jim," pleaded Matt. "I won't believe it, I can't believe it."
I took a drink of the Hahn's Hobgoblin Pumpkin Porter and turned and looked at each one. "Yes, gentlemen, I change cloth diapers and then I sit down in front of the toilet and dunk them and clean them out. After that I squeeze them and toss them in a pail."
A gasp rose from the group as they sat staring in awe. They looked at me and then at my hands and then back at me. No one stirred. I took a long puff on the pipe and asked, "do I win?"
They began to fall all over themselves in their effort to name me the "extreme male" for the group. I suspect I'll have the title for quite some time. Actually, I can't see a chance of me loosing the title unless some one else's wife switches to cloth diapers. In that case I have a back up plan, birthing large farm animals. But until then we'll continue to meet pray, taste, and boast.