Monday, June 22, 2015

Kids & Energy Drinks (re-post)

Please Read The Fine Print (Click Picture)
My son came bounding down the stairs, "hey dad, I forgot to tell you something."  Before I had a chance to even begin to wonder where this story was going he continued, "just so you know, we were being safe when we were doing this..."

I have heard boys described as - all throttle and no rudder.  That indeed is a great description.  I have done some pretty crazy things and I have watched my sons do some crazy things.  For instance, I've seen my boys put pillowcases over their heads and run full speed down a hallway only to have this look on their face that says, "I didn't know that would happen" when they run smack into a wall.

The older I get, the more I wish I had the energy of youth.  To be able to run nonstop all day long, ready for anything is a dream of mine.  My kids seem like they have their own little nuclear generator inside that supplies endless energy.  As generations have said before, "I wish I could bottle that stuff and sell it."

I was trying to design a kid-sized hamster wheel, hooked to a generator, when I read this article about the dangers of children and teens drinking energy drinks.  Two questions popped into my tiny pea-brain..."who in the heck would give kids an energy drink?" and "Why would any kid need an energy drink?"  Kids are energy.  They are little balls of liquid and bone energy.  I firmly believe that the constant movement of kids keeps the earth rotating on its axis, and they are probably, in some way, partly responsible for "the big bang."  ( I don't know how, I just have a feeling.)

So, I thought I'd try to come up with some rational explanations as to why anyone would give any child or teen an energy drink.  Why only a list of 7 things?  I'm old and in desperate need of a cup of coffee or an energy drink.  Plus I need to go buy my kids a case of Red Bull so I can power that hamster wheel thing.

Reasons People Might Give Kids Energy Drinks
7. They are Terrorists - Ply enough kids with these drinks and they will destroy anything and everything they touch.
6. They Don't Have Kids - I thought about this one for a while but if this is the excuse it only stands to reason that these folks don't a have a soul either.
5. They are Novartis Drug Reps - A brilliant way to create more demand for your product...Ritalin
4. They Don't Like Kids - Like some sick person who gives a dog a hit of LSD to watch it chase its tail for 14 hours on end, these folks get their kicks giving kids a Red Bull and turning them loose in the mall.  A special place in hell indeed my friends.
3. They Don't Like Parents - This is probably the most plausible explanation and quite possibly one I will use in the future with a few students of mine.
2. They Work for Guinness World Records - They could be trying to break record for the longest scream by a 7 year-old, the most burps by a 12 year-old, or the most times a teenage girl can say "um", "like", or "you know" in a 5 hour stretch.
1. They Work for a Cell Phone Company - 88% of teen cell phone users are text messengers.  If you take that, mix in a can of Monster energy drink and that's um, like, a lot of texting, you know....

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Mother's Day Weekend.