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My son came bounding down the stairs, "
hey dad, I forgot to tell you something." Before I had a chance to even begin to wonder where this story was going he continued, "
just so you know, we were being safe when we were doing this..."
I have heard boys described as -
all throttle and no rudder. That indeed is a great description. I have done some pretty crazy things and I have watched my sons do some crazy things. For instance, I've seen my boys put pillowcases over their heads and run full speed down a hallway only to have this look on their face that says, "I didn't know
that would happen" when they run smack into a wall.
The older I get, the more I wish I had the energy of youth. To be able to run nonstop all day long, ready for anything is a dream of mine. My kids seem like they have their own little nuclear generator inside that supplies endless energy. As generations have said before, "
I wish I could bottle that stuff and sell it."
I was trying to design a kid-sized hamster wheel, hooked to a generator, when I read
this article about the dangers of children and teens drinking energy drinks. Two questions popped into my tiny pea-brain..."
who in the hell would give kids an energy drink?" and "
Why would any kid need an energy drink?" Kids
are energy. They are little balls of liquid and bone energy. I firmly believe that the constant movement of kids keeps the earth rotating on its axis, and they are probably, in some way, partly responsible for "the big bang." ( I don't know how, I just have a feeling.)
So, I thought I'd try to come up with some rational explanations as to why anyone would give any child or teen an energy drink. Why only a list of 7 things? I'm old and in desperate need of a cup of coffee or an energy drink. Plus I need to go buy my kids a case of Red Bull so I can power that hamster wheel thing.
Reasons People Might Give Kids Energy Drinks
7. They are Terrorists - Ply enough kids with these drinks and they will destroy anything and everything they touch.
6. They Don't Have Kids - I thought about this one for a while but if this is the excuse it only stands to reason that these folks don't a have a soul either.
5. They are Novartis Drug Reps - A brilliant way to create more demand for your product...Ritalin
4. They Don't Like Kids - Like some sick person who gives a dog a hit of LSD to watch it chase its tail for 14 hours on end, these folks get their kicks giving kids a Red Bull and turning them loose in the mall. A special place in hell indeed my friends.
3. They Don't Like Parents - This is probably the most plausible explanation and quite possibly one I will use in the future with a few students of mine.
2. They Work for Guinness World Records - They could be trying to break record for the longest scream by a 7 year-old, the most burps by a 12 year-old, or the most times a teenage girl can say "um", "like", or "you know" in a 5 hour stretch.
1. They Work for a Cell Phone Company - 88% of teen cell phone users are text messengers. If you take that, mix in a can of Monster energy drink and that's um, like, a lot of texting, you know....
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