"But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we also await a savior, the Lord Jesus Christ." - Philippians 3:20
"Beloved, I urge you as aliens and sojourners to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against the soul." - 1 Peter 2:11
"For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the one that is to come." - Hebrews 13:14
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| August 19, 2000 |
We are all strangers and sojourners in this life. The path is long, dusty, strewn with stumbling blocks, lined with dangers. The trail branches often opening to wide, smooth by-ways that are easily traveled, sloping downward, deceiving, and lead to nowhere. The journey home is no easy task and certainly one that no one can or ever will walk alone. God is with us. My brothers and sisters are with us; forefathers and mothers, Saints, sinners, true leaders and despots all walk along the same path. Like an uncountable caravan spanning from the Garden to the Kingdom, we press on filled with hope.
On this journey, during our time of travel, God often gives us a partner to walk beside us, drag us along, or encourage us to get up once more and continue forward. This partner may be a guide who sees farther than we are able and points the way. Our partner may be a close friend, a confidant, or perhaps in some cases, as may be necessary, an enemy.
For many of us this partnership on the journey is that of a spouse. He or she is another sojourner created in the image and likeness of God as we are. He or she is also a fallen creature in need of Grace, encouragement, forgiveness, and healing. Together, spouses walk this path. Sometimes, hand-in-hand, sometimes dragging, and at other times pushing, but hopefully always, in the end, moving forward toward the goal.
Marriage is like a pilgrimage within The Pilgrimage toward God. This sacrament is the promise of two people, who having met upon the path, agreeing to help one another continue forward toward the goal. The pilgrimage of marriage itself too is fraught with danger, temptations, and stumbling blocks. However, it also filled with joy, laughter, rest, peace, and friendship. Together the path, at the very least is more tolerable, and at its best a joyful trip towards eternity.
Our own pilgrimage officially began on August 19, 2000 but in reality it began before the creation of time in the Father's heart. Like the weaving of a glorious tapestry, the Lord had us in mind for one another before he "knit us in our mother's wombs". Why did He destin such a thing? Why did he orchestrate our meeting, as unlikely as it seems, through the technology of the internet? Why did He craftily design the meeting of our parents, grandparents, and ancestors for generations upon generations of sojourners? The Lord has done such a thing that is marvellous in our eyes because He knew our strengths and weaknesses and knew that we needed one another for this arduous journey. He knew that my strengths fill her weaknesses and her strengths fill my weaknesses. My wounds need the balm of her grace and her wounds need mine.
Having walked together for more than 22 years, only now are we beginning to see these facts. She and I have many wounds and scars from our journey before our walk together. We also have inflicted the same upon one another while attempting to move forward. This is a difficult, painful realization. Why would I wound the one God gave me to assist me on this journey? Why would the one God gave me hurt me as we attempt this journey home? The answer lies in the beginning, "..sin lies in wait at the door: its urge is for you, yet you can rule over it" (Genesis 4:7). This passage is the Lord speaking to Cain, addressing the inmost thoughts of his [Cain's] heart. Cain and Able were fellow sojourners destined to help one another but Cain chose otherwise. I do the same and often, especially with those closest to me.
Why do I share this meditation on marriage and pilgrimages with you? In short, because we are all fellow sojourners and if I am not helping you, my wife, or others, there is a good chance that I am hurting your journey. Recently, Nicole and I began to really examine this partnership of ours. We both have a great desire to continue on the journey together. However, over the past 22 years much of the journey has really been on autopilot. We have done the minimum to keep moving forward. Now, we have a desire to really strive toward Heaven, together.
What changed, what prompted this new-found zeal for our pilgrimage within The Pilgrimage? The simple answer is God's grace given to us through the sacrament of Marriage. I truly believe that it was grace that orchestrated a series of events that have helped us begin again.
The first event was my giving up alcohol for good. This was a major stumbling block on many levels and may be a blog post of it's own in the future.
The second event was when at the Columbus Catholic Men's Conference I listened to Sister Miriam James Heidland speak to the men about their goodness regardless of how much the culture, and many women, say otherwise. She also spoke of healing and it inflamed in me a great desire to seek healing for myself and our marriage.
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Me and Nicole our 1 day get-away retreat to discuss
Be Devoted at the Shawnee State Park and Lodge |
Third, I was prompted by grace to pick up a copy of
Discernment of Spirits in Marriage by Fr. Timothy Gallagher, O.M.V. while at a local Catholic Bookstore. Nicole and I began reading through this together and our eyes were open to St. Ignatius' 14 Rules and how they apply to our marriage. The rules are explained through a fictional story of a couple and their struggles with one another and with faith. To say it resonated with us is an understatement. We both highly recommend this book to all married couples.
Fourth, after finishing the above book, and based on our research into Sister Heidland's work, we picked up a copy of
Be Devoted: Restoring Friendship, Passion, and Communion in Your Marriage by Dr. Bob Schuchts. Even though we are not finished with the book, it has been an excellent tool and guide for helping us share in a positive way, express our true feelings without fear, and learn to trust more and more. N.B. Nicole is a big fan of Dr. Schuchts' podcast
Restore the Glory.
Although my list ends here, we are nowhere near finished. After 22 years, we're just getting started!
I hope this helps you, our fellow pilgrims, in some way. Know that we are praying for you and ask your prayers for us. May God allow us all to rejoice together in the Kingdom one day!
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